The Crazy Tuna Bar & Grille in Essex, Maryland is for sale and should be purchased and called THE NAUTI MERMAID TIKI BAR & RESTAURANT

The Crazy Tuna is for Sale in Essex, Maryland. It is located off Hopkins Creek just off the Middle River. 

It looks like it has potential for an amusing East Coast place to drink and dine and take in concerts. I really don't know a whole hell of a lot about Maryland except for the fact as a small child I ate at a fast food restaurant called "Maryland Fried Chicken" and I got a free "Go Fly A Chicken" kite and when I got home and showed it to my mom she said, "Go fly a chicken doesn't make any sense." Regardless, as a kid I enjoyed the kite until I got it caught in a tree and lost it..........Now the Crazy Tuna Yelp and Crazy Tuna Bar & Grille Instagram have additional photos and reviews. 

The photo above shows the large patio area and some of the outdoor seating. Now this bar and grill had been open for like 20 years but then the live music got shut down for being two noisy for a couple of weekends its last year of business. The yelp reviews started getting worse, and the owners cited burnout. That is why it is for sale, but it has potential for new owners and like I mentioned it is for sale. Let's look at the interior which is low key, nothing fancy, and extremely dull and boring looking but at least you can go to the restaurant dressed casually. 

Another angle 

and this view. 

and one more for fun. 

and of course one more. 

Some intriguing river views. 

Now my ideas for improvement to this joint. Obviously the restaurant needs a new name and it should attract people to eat there. After rolling yahtzee dice 5 times and getting all yahtzees I knew in my heart the new name should be THE NAUTI MERMAID. This will be the new logo but change the wording to LET'S GET NAUTI AT THE NAUTI MERMAID: 

With the mermaid theme in place you can also have the waitresses wear t-shirts with this same logo above and then skorts with fish scales like this: 

and to prep for wintertime, long sleeve t-shirts with the logo and leggings to wear under the skorts for insulation like these mermaid themed leggings: 

and mermaid themed shoes to finish off the uniforms: 

Now let's talk drinks and menu. Since it's a tiki bar then the drinks should be taken from a now closed restaurant that had the best drink names. Here are a few examples of those drinks.

VIRGIN SACRIFICE: Everyday a disturbing spectacle ensues. A gang of Elvis Impersonators entices another virgin with fermented blue nectars (curacao) then throw her into the volcano of mixed booze...which is not very romantic. Served in a mean green tiki glass with cherry intact. 

Another interesting drink is called THE PUNCH IN THE BOOB FROM DRUNK UNCLE GLEN. 

The model in the photo is holding two of the drinks to give you the gist of the idea for the beverage. The recipe is Hawaiian Punch, Lime, Lemon, orange, Banana Rum, and bitters

The next drink is THE FU MANCHU consisting of Trade Vic's dark and coconut rums, and some special Kung Fu flavors...very tasty. Only one Foo will do, in this not so foo foo beverage. Served in his own mug likeness. 

The next drink is THE MISERABLE BASTARD where the Nauti Mermaid was booted out of the Psychology Academy of Molokai after one year. The Nauti Mermaid realized that their loss=your gain. A wallop of dark rum and bitter lime is a proven depression management. As the Nauti Mermaid teaches, : "Of course I drink, I'm a Mermaid." Served in a Miserable Bastard Mug. 

The final example is THE SCORPION STING where some say if you suck out the poison of the scorpion sting you will experience warmth and euphoria. Morons! The only sting that can provide that blessing is our mix of Jamaican and sugar cane rum, fresh lime, and secret extract in this beautiful and tropical rum swill. 

Of course the THE NAUTI MERMAID can serve beer, wine, and other liquor as well. Now for examples for the food menu. Since it is Maryland they can serve crab cakes. 

and crab balls 

and a CRAB BLT 

and also the typical assortment of chicken wings, burgers, fish, steaks, sides, etc. In closing I think this idea would work for this restaurant. Now for the Maryland jokes in celebration of Maryland's National Joke day. Why did the crab cross the road? Answer: To get to the other tide! Hopefully these improve. What did one crab say to another? Answer: Stop being so Shellfish! Getting warm, I need an agent. What's the state bird of Maryland? Answer: The duck who says, "Where's the crab cakes?" I better not quit my day job.....What do you call a party at THE NAUTI MERMAID TIKI BAR & RESTAURANT? Answer: A Shell-abration!!! Now to put you out of your misery Why did the crab sit on a rock at the beach? Answer: To get a little shell-fie time!
Well it is very late and I need to get some sleep.

Remember the Restaurant is for sale